June already

Birthdays.

Will I get what I want?

no likely. I didn't ask for it.

wow it has been awhile.

year is already half gone. I'm still holding tight to that thorn.

Maybe now is a good time.

It's a new day.

Today is a gift.

New Week

new day, well end of one anyway. 

New week.

New adventures.

Crazy. - helps to keep me sane ;)

Tired - time for bed and sleeping, in that order.

hey having the whole thing to myself was nice and not nice,

I didn't sleep on my side oddly enough.

I took up the entire bed instead

:D

Monday

It's been a Monday for certain today.

Long, very long day.

I feel like I've been trying to catch my own tail all day long.

That double whammy Friday didn't help things either.

I was in now way expecting or prepared for that. 

Which meant for the first time in a very long while, I had to spend a day in bed with my feet up; popping actical like candy. And I missed days of swimming.

Today seems a bit better. At least I could get up and walk around.  

The whole ground and center sure becomes much more of a challenge when I feel miserable.

I am just absolutely wiped tonight.

I took a time out tonight, sitting in my fav. indoor place and read.

But it's one of those early to bed nights.

Funny how I got past the being afraid part, and now I'm just to tired.

Yet willing to try vulnerability. Ironic.

Life is all about the timing, isn't it.

Speaking of which, becoming busy is feeling intimidating.

Yet the timing fits. Sad, but true. No not even sad, just true.

April.

It is going to be quite the year.

It's has been already. And month two just started.

More of me? I want to know all of me.

I may get the chance to staff K&A in few weeks.

They invited me to. I would so love to do that. 

Return.

Smile

It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood!

Won't you be my neighbour??

"Debacle of gigantic proportions" LMAO.

Worse loss in franchise history. 
Oh and I am raising me some hockey fans! Little J has decided that Oilers aren't her favorite anymore (small win), but that she like ALL hockey teams and players. OK I can accept that.

It is a good day. Good to be alive.
VERY good.  Listening brings things together. Living with intent and designing your life stuff, ROCKS!!

That reminds me, I need to send Kimberly a wins letter. Another Harry test.
That and ask for the letters of introduction for those key people.
Wouldn't that be something??

To another snowy day, and smiles.

Sweet Mother of Pearl !

I GOT IT!!!

From liver of a terminal cancer patient to clean bill of health in one year!!!

Saw Dr. Grant today.

It was sooooo cool to see the otherside of what health looks like.

It ROCKS!!!!

No oxidative stress. No major liver toxicisity. 

Very Minor maintenance things to attend to.

Increase minerals a bit. Up enzymes for one meal for a month.

He could even see the energy levels had increased. 

You could see cells talking to each other, moving around, functioning normally!!!

ME. My Cells - being normal, funct

ioning within normal peramaters.

He even said he was amazed and so proud of me. 

Very very cool morning.

Worth missing swimming for infact.

Worth celebrating over, that's for certain.

Wonder how i can do that??

Kenna does it Best!!

To the New

Courage take for goodness sake.

Get out of your own way and give up your resistance

Then allow next to happen.

Let in the love.

Allow the joy.

Be Gena.

Well Well Well

Oh My lanta!

My hair is growing! And not just growing - finally, but growing BACK

It's coming back!!

Again. Thank Heaven.

Losing it has been really hard, especially for what the third time now. Really feeling hopeless there for a bit.

Now I can scarcely believe it.

I have all these little one inch hairs all over. New hair. And even Court. noticed it had gotten much longer in month since she last cut it.

I am going to get to grow my hair out, and have it look more than just decent.

Curly and long and full head of hair. 

Now there's a Cosmic order being filled.

I've had one of the BEST weekends in a very long time.

I went out dancing Saturday night. It was amazing. I was wired for hours afterwards.

It felt good. Really good. 

Been a long time since I connected with then.

Alan was in town for awards night, I figured I earned one of those and I used to love being around them all, why not.

So I went. Alone. For whole afternoon and party that night.

It rocked. I would never had been up there getting my picture taken if she hadn't tattled on me to Ray. But it was nice just the same. I worked hard for that it should be recognized.

I got the chance to thank Alan in person for athlete work he's done and told him I used the professional information for competing as an amateur. And winning a silver in nationals.

They are working on a database of professional and amateur athletes to have as a resource; based on sport. That is so cool.

Decided today to take Ray up on his invitation for breakfast. Never been to a casino, but figured it's an opportunity that doesn't come up often. Sitting at a table with all of them, and I belonged.

It was cool. Very cool.

Getting a big warm hug from Janet last night was also very needed.

So many of them have had me on their minds now. Hey look I'm not forgotten either.

Michelle was great. Nadia amazing. Carla. Everyone. Sandy and Joe. Wow. I met the hottest guy, must be what 20 maybe. Nicest green eyes. And his enthusiasm, wow. WE talked for must have been close to 20 minutes. Even got a hug on my way out. He's on fire, going to light up the world with that. Newbie, about 3 months. Love that.

Tonight, I finally looked at my KA CD. All the pictures. I have tried before and just couldn't get the drive to work. Today, no issues.

It was something to reconnect to that amazing week. I DID those things, and I have evidence to prove it. Not that anyone will ever see it. 

Seeing those pictures, I was alot heavier. Swimming rocks. Getting tighter and smaller and stronger and more myself all the time.

I miss my team. I would literally do anything for anyone of them. That means ME as well.

Getting out of my own way. I believe. 

Feeling like this, two days in a row - apparently having a killer night leads to a killer day also - I love this. 

What I have right now is so amazing. So incredible. I am truly blessed and incredibly grateful.

Wow.

My mom and I talked tonight. SHE is on rampage again. So we talked about choices. How I've learned I get to choose how I want to experiance things in my life.

Can't change them, just how I experaince what they bring. It was a good conversation. Me coaching my mom. The most amazing woman I've ever know.

How's that for irony. Her looking to me.

Life is full of surprises, and opportunities.

Most don't ever look at them, cause they're wearing coveralls and look like work.

Time take an opprotunity.

Fly Butterfly.

Fundamental Natural Law #30

The Taxi ride

 “We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware – beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.”

 

I arrived at the address where someone had requested a taxi. I honked but no one came out. I honked again; nothing. So I walked to the door and knocked. “Just a minute, answered a frail elderly voice. O could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940’s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knick-knacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

 

“Would you carry my bag out to the car?” she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, and then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly towards the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. “It’s nothing,” I told her. “I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated.”

“Oh you’re such a good boy”, she said.

When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, “Could you drive through downtown?”

“It’s not the shortest way,” I answered quickly.

“Oh I don’t mind,” She said “I’m in no hurry; I’m on my way to a hospice.”

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. “I don’t have any family left,” she continued. “The doctor says I don’t have very long.”

 

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. “What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.

For the next two hours we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighbourhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said. “I’m tired. Let’s go now.”

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small covalence home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door.  The woman was already seated in a wheelchair. “How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.

“Nothing” I said

“You have to make a living.” She answered.

“There are other passengers.” I responded.

 

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. “You gave and old woman a little moment of joy.” She said. “Thank you.”

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life. I didn’t pick up anymore passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

 

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.

 

We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware – beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one. People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

 

“Change the world … with one random act of kindness at a time.”

 

What do you make?

“It is our destiny to make a difference”

What Teachers Make

 The dinner guests were sitting around discussing life. One man, a CEO decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was going to be a teacher?” He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: “Those who can, do, those who can’t, teach.”

 

To stress his point he said to another guest, “You’re a teacher Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make of it?”

Bonnie who had the reputation for honesty and frankness replied, “You want to know what I make? (she paused for a second and then began…)

Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honour. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can’t make them sit for 5 minutes without an iPod, Game Cube or movie rental…

 

“You want to know what I make?”

(She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.)

“I make kids wonder. I make them question. I make them criticize. I make them apologize and mean it. I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions. I teach them to write and then I make them write. I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in Math. I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity. I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

I make my students stand and say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, because we live in the United States of America. Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, then can succeed in life.”

 

(Bonnie paused on last time and continued.)

Then, when people try judging me by what I make, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant… You want to know what I make?”

“I MAKE A DIFFERENCE… What do you make?

New Year

It's been a while.

New year filled with new promise dragged down by hold habits.

I'm drowning in Harrisims. 

Only complex because I choose choices that make it so.

And Fear inhibits Joy.

Monday I can recall feeling nothing but fear. By that night I'll admit I was a mess.

Then a series of Epiphanies led to that freeing feeling.

I'd rather have the joy. Then live with no fear and let it go.

No Fear.

I stuck up that little picture of me. The one just after I jumped into mid air; right before the happy dance, in that YES moment.

The one I had made into a poster. It came, now it's put away until I can get it mounted.

Not something that would mean anything to anyone else. But it was sorely needed by me.

I've withdrawn from all of my teams. 

I miss them. Slowly but surely allowing Harry to gain access and control. Isolation again.

But I have knowledge now that I am not alone.

Maybe I shouldn't be doing this when I am so wasted tired. I tend to really ramble aimlessly.

I slept for nearly 10 hour last night. Was going to do the same tonight, we shall see.

Not feeling so hot. 

Very unexpected surprises this week. Taking alot out of me in the process.

Funeral tomorrow. Not sure If I will make it. Sensei Brad was only 37.  Thirty Seven, with two girls. And now he's gone. 

Just never know with life. Never know. One more reason for the No Fear living.

Live your best moment now, today.

In that moment before I was awake there was the question.

What's the worst that could happen? That lose it  before it ever started and got off the ground.

Live out loud.

Live. Love. Laugh.