Before

Just a quick note before everything happens all at once.

Today is starting quiet, but anticipation is building.

Been listening to Landon Pigg all morning.

Tonight I am doing DD. Making it a fun friday.

Then I will be hanging with my five around dozens and dozens of Black Belts.

I am the computer lady. Watching all those guys kick some major booty.

What I want to do in a few years. Can you imagine me testing for BB?

Secretly it's what I have been wanting to say and do for years. Like the Nascar thing.

Look at me being Gena.

This is the before. I know it'll be some weekend, but I am not totally sure what that looks like.

BB tonight will keep me there until nearly midnight. What am I going to do with my babies until midnight? Then Saturday is our turn. Well after BB finish in the morning. We go after lunchtime.

Sunday is festival of trees and demo. But thankfully, no competing for me. I am going to be so tired by the end of all of this.

Would be so cool to have people to cheer us on, but we'll just have to cheer each other.

To before, moving towards after.

I won't be the same the next time i get a chance to write.

That much I do know .....

Thursdays

Well one more day to go, and then it all begins.

I still think I must be crazy for stepping into this. Leading by example, what was I thinking?

Found a song I liked today that fits my mood

I'll be sad to finish this book, mostly cause it's an unfinished story.

She's a good author.

We the RS tonight, just for a bit.

It reafirmed that I have what I need in the face of all this is to come.

I am now ready for things to unfold.

Like waiting to breathe again.

All will be well. I can let go; of it all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQO7IUrqXqY

Mid Week

Well I'd have to say this has been a rather good day.

Still confronted by all that stuff, but in action and intention today.

I came to, or rather they came to me, some realizations today. Whether real or just in my brain, I'm ok with.

Life it going to unfold, and I don't know what keeps coming at me, but I don't have to either.

I am here. I know what I know. I feel what I feel. And I am who I am. All of it good. In every way.

No matter what anyone else has to say or grouch about it.

I decided to see about a date with Brb tonight. She and I haven't had hardly any time together in ages; months really. We went out to a movie, some Abba thing. It was a ton of fun, Nothing the boys would have come a

long for. A great night together.

Tonight was also my second adult TKD class. I remembered my rank pattern, but not my competition pattern. NOT good considering that was the last class before the competition.

Sigh. I had it down before class. Gonna keep doing. It is not a try my best it is a do my best.

Rule number one, protect yourself. Rule number two, score points.

Do my best. It's not nearly as bad as some of us think. It's alot of fun. That's what I have to remember. 

Still to bad he's gone this weekend. Won't see any of us. Me all leading by example and everything. I must be out of my flippin' mind.

It is going to be one ver

y long weekend. Festival of Trees Sunday AM. I am not doing competion Sunday afternoon. I have a feeling by then I am going to be absolutely dead on my feet tired.

I am who I am. Look at me!

Look out world here I come...

A Must

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. 

You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along."

. . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

-- Eleanor Roosevelt, Former First Lady

Testing Tuesdays

I am just getting home now!

Good grief. I used to have nights like this and later. I am so glad that is not the norm anymore.

I have to much life to live.

It was ok for tonight.

This is the scary weekend coming up. I had that first class last night. Plan is to get to others this week in prep for Nationals. AND then next week to make it to Grad.

I am not going to be yellow stripe for another year.

It seems to be another plan to stay in action out there in motion.

Kim has business plan she needs support with. I would do anything for her, means I'd have to step up in the face of all that is in front of me...

Well.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, 
  but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”             ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

My poor toshie

Tonight was my very first ADULT TKD class.

Managed to speak up and re-work that schedule weeks ago to get to this point, but other things just kept getting in the way.

After out Klemmer group call today, I realized it I want it I have to take a stand on it.

So I did.

Kids got home, I got to class.

I figured since I am competing this weekend, I really needed to get some adult classes in.

In DD class my standing is a little different. In the normal class I am bottom of the totem. Single stripe with no stripes. Pushups, situps, mountain climbers, bumbups. Fitness in this class is at a whole new level.

My toshie is killing me. Oh man to I hurt!!

But it's a good hurt. At least that's what I am telling myself tonight.

Tomorrow may be an entirely different story.

I want THAT.

So I have to what is necessary to get to THAT.

Shifting into who that is.

Other than that it was interesting monday.

Getting out of bed was tough and slow. Did not get going with the early alarm like I should have.

Just wanted to make up for late night of herding kids/cats back to bed.

In the end I just lied there half dreaming half daydreaming. It was nice, but made the start to my day all off kilter.

Did get to spend some time visiting with Barb.

Now I see why I am missing her so much. We're paralleling again. Only hers is for real and mine isn't. But other things as well.

There's a woman I love dearly. If not for me breaking my foot I never would have known that.

Life is an interesting journey. 

Always amazing, never boring.

And now I know, always fair - despite what I sometimes feel.

This is an important week. 

Tomorrow is a new day.

Now it's time for Wallie

A Walk To Remember

I may just watch this movie. 

For now these are for me when I need that moment.

Wherever you will go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpPJGk3cBfE&feature=related

The Memory will Never Die

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RibwDBTmPb0&feature=related

Angel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhEteYudo0w&feature=related

All of Me, My Immortal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym_UJg8xCuw&feature=related

One moment more

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXrnXtrDAHo&feature=related

Remember...

Remember me this way. - Ferngully 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it5D9kIbsKw&feature=related

I will remember you - Ferngully style

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nkz9NV8ndLs

I won't say it. - Hercules

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or_Fk5ZeTms&feature=related

If We Hold On

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObPneATgASs&feature=related

piano only

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eP5ALKMEa-Y

Universe

I had a most interesting dream last night.

Seems to be a fairly common thing lately.

It was along the continuing education theme, but very different.

I felt as though I were sitting in literally the Universal Classroom.

Ok not actually sitting, but you get the idea.

It was a long dream, most of it faded when I woke up, but there was a moment or two that stuck.

I was struck by the thought, rather suddenly, that I was being shown life is indeed fair.

The Universe itself was showing me how life, creation, is always fair. There is a balance.

When I see things as being unfair, it is me removing my responsibility in that balance.

Complicated to say, simplistic to a tee.

Any and all disapointment comes from an unfair expectation;  a removal of balance. My responsibility of that balance.

Duh.

And yet, how often and how quick am I to go to the life isn't fair game?

Alot. Haven't I used that mantra for awhile now

Life is pain highness, anyone who says differently is selling something.

When I come into ground and centered, I am becoming a pivot in that balance. Spreading it out like ripples to the next person or event waiting.

It was an interesting class. 

Life is indeed fair.

All that I have and more. All that I have ever had. And all that I have yet to achieve.

All of it is fair. Responsible.

Joy and Passion.

Life.

High and Low

I watched a movie that was a laugh out loud feel good kind of movie, found myself feeling great. Enjoying my time. 

And then in a moment it was gone again.

The ups and downs are getting ridiculous.

I'm getting whip lash over here.

I've got another girlie movie maybe I'll go watch it.

Guessing that chocolate cake was probably a bad idea. It didn't make me feel hyper, quite the opposite. Kinda depressing.

And then I saw we lost the game tonight. It was even on TV and I didn't watch it. Sigh.

I hope it's on the upswing when I finally get to the sleep part of the day.

I don't want the kind of dreams that come with the lows. Not on my own weekend.

Nightmares are never fun. 

Sigh. Ok I'm done.

I think perhaps I'll cook that turkey tonight. That aroma would keep any deamon away.

It's here, why not.

Did some wandering today while the five were in school.

Got some holiday ideas.

Not sure what Christmas will look like this year. But I do want it to be more about us and memories and time. And much less commercial and materialistic.

Think doing that calender for extended family might be worth repeating for another year.

Thought about making matching ties for my Boys. Haven't done much sewing in the past what, decade.  Make that DVD of kids performance at the Art Festival they won from last summer? I want it all to be more about intentional memories not accidental ones. Taking time to spend loving each other and showing what we are grateful for. 

Maybe movie nights, or marathons. Something.

All thoughts for another day.

16 Things Challenge Tag.

Lara Challenged me on this one. It was harder than she made it look! Thought this was a good thing to put here.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you. If you're reading this, I want to know your 16.

1. There are 18 years between me and my youngest sister. There are eight others in between us. That's right 10 in total. Six girls and four boys.

2. I love music. I can play the Flute and I taught myself some Piano. My Favorite bands are Muse, Journey and Foo Fighters. 

3. Coming out of the closet this year... I am a Calgary Flames fan. Jerome Iginla is the coolest guy ever. The Stanley Cup couldn't happen to a better or nicer guy.

4. My favorite thing to wear is sweat pants, a guys t-shirt and sneakers, but I do love to get all dolled up every once in awhile.

5. I have the soul of a poet, heart of dancer but the co-ordination of a dead twig. It's a cosmic joke really.

6. In high school my friends would take bets on when I would fall and end up on crutches. I always lost. I spent months on those damned things. Even had my own key to the elevator - for two years.

7. My favorite color isn't pink. It's more a mixture of orange and pink. Like that perfect color you only see at the perfect moment in a sunrise or sunset. Natures first gold, her hardest hue to hold. 

8. I do like good chocolate, but my real favorite is Lemon.

9. I have always wanted to be a mom. It was my first career choice. My most challenging blessings are my kids. I love making memories with them. The best one are the accidental ones, where it just happens. Like park hopping. And movie night.

10. My Favorite movie is The Princess Bride, followed very closely, in no particluar order, by Ferngully, Land Before Time and Gone with the Wind. Most of which I can quote.

11. My Favorite time of day is just before sunrise, but I hate being up that early, so I settle for loving sunsets to make up for it.

12. I love photography and finding that perfect shot. I've just learned that it takes about 100 pictures to find a few good ones. I have lots of good ones. Which means I have thousands of pictures. Good thing I went digital.

13. I would love to live in a warmer climate, but I hate big bugs. Though the more winters I spend here the more I am getting over that. Costa Rica is looking better all the time.

14. I am very passionate about nutrition and the whole idea of optimal health. It's somewhat of an obsession really. I have to try hard to keep my mouth shut most of the time.

15. I am considered a medical odditity. I still cannot have kids. And I've nearly died twice, this year.

16. I love turtles. 

Worth Remembering

A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old).

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old 
Irish Wolfhound named Belker.
The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, 
were all very attached to Belker,
and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family 
we couldn't do anything
for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the 
old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would 
be good for six-year-old
Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn 
something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's 
family surrounded him.
Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I 
wondered if he understood
what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully 
away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any 
difficulty or confusion.
We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud 
about the sad fact that animal
lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had bee n listening 
quietly, piped up, 'I know why.'


Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next 
stunned me. I'd never heard a more
comforting explanation.

He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good 
Life -- like loving everybody
all the time and being nice, right?' The Six-year-old continued,
'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay 
as long.'
***********
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be 
pure Ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle 
them gently.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY! 

AHHH

I don't think I can take one more thing today.

All before luch no less.

One pink slip. 

Three headaches

Two stomach aches

One fever ... nope make that three fevers

and no partridge in a pear tree either.

It is going to be some weekend.

Yeah friday...

Miracles

You can when you believe.

All this all at once. Again in this dammed boat.

Again. Enough

What alternative do I have. Go back?

Shut up little fears, while I'm busy over here.

Personality and emotions get all tied up in this again.

I am creating my life conscously. Not blowing in the wind

I manifest my own reality I can't pretend I don't

I might as well do it right now.

You cannot mistrust what you trully are.

So what am I mistrusting? Manifest.

Almost amusing

“You don’t close your eyes anymore and wonder who you might be in 20 years; if you’re smart, you study the tape of your current existence to monitor how you’re doing now. You see the present as an ongoing act of creation. You look more closely at your thoughts, behavior and interaction with others. You understand that if you’re coming at life from fear and separation, you have no reason to expect anything but fear and separation back. You seek to increase your strengths and decrease your weaknesses. You no longer seek satisfaction in things outside yourself, completion in other people, or peace of mind in either the past or future. You are who you are, not who you might one day be. Your life is what it is, not what it might someday be. Focusing on who you are and what your life is right now, you come to the ironic and almost amusing realization that yes, the fun is in the journey itself.” 

~Marianne Williamson

Last night was a lot of fun. It was rather cool to go out with all seven of my sisters here. I don't think we've ever had everyone together like that. I'm sure glad I thought to do that. My best friends, my sisters, and my smile. IT was a good night. Laugh out loud movie too. Beautiful someone said. Yeah I guess it was.

Now that we've had the fun stuff, time to move ahead with be being open and allowing other things to unfold.

I am not certain of the how part, only certain of the now aspect.

Now it is vital.

Happy Friday in the ice and snow...

Interesting

I was going to write yesterday and I couldn't think of anything to say.

Yeah I know, me without something to say how strange is that.

Then I remembered my phone call from the RCMP.

I was a little ummm intrigued or curious as to why they were calling me.

That theft that I didn't know had occurred back months ago. The one where I had to go to Calgary to claim my TKD stuff from the stolen car.

Well I have a summons for to appear as a witness in court. She wants to come and serve me Friday night. Court. In Calgary.  In April 28 of next year.

Yeah I get to go to court and in another city no less.

Strange phone call.

Guess if you're going to get a call from the RCMP, this was alright.

No bad news.

Interesting though.

And tonight is girls night.

All of my sisters are coming, minus Reens who isn't here.

But all eight of us are having a night out.

I am excited. Been waiting for this movie for months

I was soo glad it got moved up a month.

I know it won't be like the book, but I am still excited.

The music alone will be amazing. I can't wait to hear her lullaby.

I wanted to make this a memory night, so I set out and created it that way.

Instead of an oh I wish I'd thought to do that...

I did it before hand.

After all as a woman who makes a difference, could I do it any differently?

What you really want, wants you.

With Intent I am a passionate, joyful and responsible woman

I am perfectly Gena.

Who is on her way out to Twilight...

Starting Over New

Figured new email. New shifts, try a new blog while we're at it.

It all evolves anyway, right

Besides, this is realy only for my benfit anyways.

To the new gear, the next shift.

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”
                                                           ~Nelson Mandela

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but in seeing with new eyes.”   
                                                                                                                                            ~Marcel Proust

Oh Yeah!

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”
~Nelson Mandela

Reality

“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.”
- William Arthur Ward

surrendering to What IS...
coming from a place of if I do this.... and it turns out way
what's my fear?
If it's not as good as I think it will be, what will people think of me?

Love from Denise

“You don’t close your eyes anymore and wonder who you might be in 20 years; if you’re smart, you study the tape of your current existence to monitor how you’re doing now. You see the present as an ongoing act of creation. You look more closely at your thoughts, behavior and interaction with others. You understand that if you’re coming at life from fear and separation, you have no reason to expect anything but fear and separation back. You seek to increase your strengths and decrease your weaknesses. You no longer seek satisfaction in things outside yourself, completion in other people, or peace of mind in either the past or future. You are who you are, not who you might one day be. Your life is what it is, not what it might someday be. Focusing on who you are and what your life is right now, you come to the ironic and almost amusing realization that yes, the fun is in the journey itself.” ~Marianne Williamson

Whole

“Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.” –Washington Irving


“Dare to have relationships so real and important that they contain big, messy emotions.
Deep living isn’t tidy.” ~Nancy Conger

Challenge.

Who could you dare to be?


When you drop a stone into water, do you know how far it ripples?

Neither do I.


Make a difference now

Design Your life

11-2-08

If anything were possible and miracles do occur.
Truly taking it on, What would it be?

1. Career

2. Finances

3. Relationships

4. Spiritual Walk

5. Health

6. Redwood Forest


Set a number. Get specific. Teach them by being in the world.

Have to have balance. Gut level honest. By Design. THE SHACK.
Drag body over the finish line or have it carry you over.
Don't hold back.

Get specific on who .. Who do I bind to.
Get clear on intention

If it comes to you, it is meant to come through you even if it doesn't make sense.

Try it one year forward - like it has already occurred.


The purpose of today's training is to defeat yesterdays understanding. - Miyamoto Musashi

Every moment is a choice, every choice has prices and benefits.

No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place.

Theory..

The theory of Space
- The space in which you stand, permissions others to do the same.


How you do anything is how you do everything.

After all your exploring you shall return home and see if for the first time - T.S. Elliot